Aimercat (aimercat) wrote,

30-Day journal challenge (Day 2) Questions about love.

I went with the alternate prompt today (I like that there is more than one choice). Questions about love. Are you in love? Have you ever been madly, insanely, deeply in love? What does it feel like? What is the difference between being "in love" and simply loving someone?

I'm totally in love with my boyfriend, Brendan. Our 4-year anniversary is Saturday. We celebrate on the day we met. I still get butterflies in my tummy around him. I get anxious (of course, that could also be me little anxiety problem that was triggered by my father's death in 2011). I don't always show it but I would do anything for him.

yes, we've had some super duper nasty ups and downs, but this past month (and more importantly the last week or so), has been the true test. First, I lost my job & then he lost his job. that's when shit gets real and it's just the 2 of you against the world, fighting and scrapping to make every dime count. Not knowing when i was going to be employed again with a steady job was scary enough (I'm working some freelance catering gigs here and there, plus I booked a nice non-union acting job...thank god). Now, it's both of us. On top of the job loss, we also had to deal with my car needing almost $1000 in repairs and Brendan's body decided now was a good time to develop kidney stones (thank god what we hope are small ones that only led to a trip to urgent care). Some of the jobs I've taken in the past month just to pay our bills have been: catering, paid tv audience work, extra/background actor work, focus groups....not exactly the glamorous life. It's been emotionally draining at times, but Brendan has been there the whole way to help me keep my chin up. Now, i'm also doing the same for him.

We'll get through it. Money comes and money goes. This has been our best week yet on the job hunt front (of course, this has been his only week, but his resume includes one of the top restaurants in L.A., so he'll probably even have a job before me). This whole struggle, I think, has actually helped improve our communication.

Right there....that is freaking love. that madly deeply insanely in love feeling? yep, I have it....i feel lost without him. I'm not saying i'm dependent on him (in some ways I am...I mean, the man grills an awesome chicken. he keeps me fed), but I am saying that that last time I lost a job, I was a depressed, angry wreck & this time, I'm not (well except the demoralizing nature of some of the jobs I've done to get us money...nothing bad, just people being disrespectful to "the help" kind of things). He keeps my spirits lifted and hopefully i do the same for him.

Now I must join him in a cuddle session in a nice warm bed. Our anniversary won't have the glitz and glamour that it's had in past years, but as long as we have each other, the rest will fall into place.
Tags: random thoughts, writing
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