Aimercat (aimercat) wrote,
Aimercat
aimercat

LJ Idol Week 14: Confession from the Chair

She doesn't want to air the dirty laundry. She wants everyone to think it's the fairy tale relationship (we know it's not). After all, everyone was rooting for it, cheering for it, so glad when it finally happened. She had been lonely for years.

The chair sees everything though and knows better.

Sure it was great in the beginning. They laughed, they loved and it was something out of Hollywood rom-com montage. They probably moved in too soon....I mean, it really was still in the honeymoon period...that period before you start to see the quirks, before you start the nitpicking. Then her ailing father took a turn for a worse & he died. That's when the fighting started and it hasn't stopped. I wish he could've let her grieve how she wanted to grieve. I wish she wouldn't have shut him out & pushed him away.

She had a meltdown in the months after her dad's passing. He accused her of making herself sick which only made things worse. It took the ER doctor telling him otherwise to believe her. She still holds regrets and resentment at times for that. He told her she was irresponsible and unreliable because a project close to both of them fell through during this time. How could she focus on anything when she felt like her world was crumbling? Meanwhile, the one person she needed was becoming more resentful of her day after day. He blamed her for things in his life not going right...a career downturn, weight gain, lack of motivation....and he made her pay for it with emotional detachment. He stopped telling her that he loved her saying only his action proved he did. Actions speak louder than words, but that's not always true or the same.

I feel he resents her for sidetracking things in his life to take care of her (she only needed that after her family situation yet he insists he has to hold her hand through life). I feel she resents him for forcing her to go to therapy & projecting his problems onto her.

She thinks he's rigid and too black & white. There's no grey area of an discussion with him. She walks on eggshells in her mind because she doesn't know if a conversation will start an hours-long argument or fight. Of course, then he accuses her of being too defensive. She's an abstract thinking, she rambles at times and she's impulsive when talking. yeah, she sometimes interrupts to get her point across but it's only because of years of her voice not being heard (but in his book that's just an excuse). He accuses her of having a computer addiction, but he doesn't realize that this is the way the game is play in their chosen career fields now. (but it's okay if he spends all day on his iPad reading espn and playing fantasy baseball/football/pick a sport). At least she is working and/or networking. Meetings happen because you hustle online. I think sometimes he is jealous of her successes. She tries to motivate him but then he accuses her of "trying to be his mother" when really she is just trying to look out for his best interest because she cares. Still, he accuses her of being selfish and only caring about herself despite the fact that her friends often comment how she's less "me me me" since she met him.

He's not a bad person. he's just been in a bad place & she tried relentlessly to get him back to that good place even at the sacrifice of herself. Yet she's the one who is selfish. She thinks he's controlling. He thinks she's a bitch at times....and well, she is (but a lot of women are every 28 days). Neither of them are innocent and they both push each other's buttons at times, though she is the one who is always apologizing. They are both to blame. It only took them almost 3 years, but I think they are finally realizing that.

Somehow, they are still together. I'm sure all of their family & friends think they are both nuts. Hell, i think they are nuts but they need to see past all the bullshit and realize their opposites actually compliment each other rather nicely. I think they are getting better though neither of them thinks so at times. He really is the best thing that has happened to her life and well, if they could just trust one another for longer than a day, they would take the world by storm. If they don't kill each other first. Luckily, they don't have a chandelier, so I won't be looking at War of the Roses 2.0 anytime soon. I think Cindrelly and Prince Charming can still work this thing out.
Tags: ljidol
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