Life hasn't been a bowl of cherries in the past year or even up late, but I feel that things are getting better. I realize that I still have some deep issues regarding my dad's passing & even so issues dating back to my nephew's death. Separation anxiety, trust issues, fear of being alone, general anxiety, being dependent on people (mostly Brendan for the most part) because of a fear of the future and fear of change (whether good or bad). I'm trying to go back to therapy to work on them, but it's kind of hard when the darn therapy office doesn't return your phone calls. Time to stalk them again tomorrow….i've been trying to make an appointment for 2 weeks now. Kind of a ridiculous if you ask me. I'm just trying to re-establish being my own independent person again, but at the same time trying to save a relationship with someone.
Part of this change is taking an empowerment class. It's been an amazing class and I've been learning so much about myself as a person. It's also been quite therapeutic for me as well because the same issues I find myself wanting to deal with in therapy are the same issues that are "blocking" me from achieving my goals in life. Therefore, I'm confronting them in the class exercises as well. I've also learned wear waterproof mascara to this class because when I don't, I usually end up driving home with smeared makeup because of the emotions that get stirred up. it's really helped me tackle my problems with procrastination and "lack of follow through" as we not only set long-term goals, but short-term ones as well.
I've been focusing on acting because I got too fat & out of shape to model. Yeah, I said it. the fact of the matter is that I almost hit 150 on the scale due to a combination of drugs for stomach acid problems (that still plague me…the dr tried and failed to wean me off acid reducers), stress, lack of working out and bad eating. I'm back in the gym now though 3-5 days a week. I was living in yoga pants, sweatpants and tights because basically everything with a zipper or fastener got too small on me. I'm so ashamed of myself in that sense & i'm sure it doesn't make me look attractive either….I don't care how good yoga pants supposedly make your ass look.
Health wise….as I just stated in the last paragraph. I'm still having stomach acid issues. I lost my free county health care because I made too much money by the time my renewal period came around & I still don't make enough money to pay for my own health insurance, so through the cracks I fall. The dr i was seeing at the time was trying to wean me off these strong prescription stomach acid reducers because you can't stop them cold turkey, but now I just have to fend for myself. No one has ever been able to figure out why one of my ribs keeps popping either when I rotate at the waist. I'm praying Obamacare can save my ass….probably not.
Acting wise, I've been pumping out the demo reel clips. I filmed 3 clips and a spec commercial in 2 months. I haven't seen the finished products of any of them yet, but soon and then I will have a demo reel & I can FINALLY go out on theatrical auditions. Also, now that the NHL lockout is history, there is a remote chance that maybe, just maybe my EA Sports NHL 2013 video game commercial might air. Granted I already got paid for it, but it would be nice to actually see it on tv even if you only see me for 1 second….blink and you miss me.
sports: I've ended my boycott of spending money on the Cleveland Indians because the front office actually showed up and did their job by signing Nick Swisher. I still can't believe they did it.
other stuff: for those who are long-time readers of my blog, remember my work rants? well I've decided to start tossing around the idea of writing a book about my experiences in the restaurant industry while pursuing my Hollywood dream.
Look for more updates to come.