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"One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble", but one night in Hollywood makes a broke bitch fierce.

It starts as I drive up to the charming Cafe Audrey (it's the coffee shop I wrote about before that is all Audrey Hepburn themed) and see some crazy cakes mofo scooting his butt in a puddle just off the curb. Nut job!!!! Turns out he had also been bumping into parking meters and outdoor furniture at the cafe. Of course, the police show up.



We (me and venus_starlet) can hear them keep asking him "where you live, buddy?". Something tells me that if he doesn't know the first time, he's not going to know the 20th time you ask him. Besides, he's so damn high that he probably doesn't know what planet he's on or what dimension he's in. He probably thinks he's in the middle of The Matrix on Lost island! Meanwhile, two other guys, who I think were drunk or high as well, walk by us and the one asks me if I've ever been on a court show. Um no, though I did get paid once to sit in Judge Judy's audience and I almost felt like I should give the money back for the entertainment I got that day. legen....wait for it...dary! (especially the dude who sued his friend who shot him in the finger with a bb gun because he stuck his finger in the barrel of the gun). venus_starlet then gives me like the best news ever!!! She saw a short film with the 99-cent store Spencer Pratt in it (cuz she's still on his facebook cuz he never deleted her): he's gotten chubby, he has a god-awful flesh-colored beard and....the best part: HE IS A SHITTY ACTOR!!! (oh my god, he really IS the 99-cent store Spencer Pratt! Maybe he didn't steal my luck after all).

Then, we see a pink Corvette. That can only mean ONE thing when you are in Hollywood: ANGELYNE!!! (and if you want to hear a song about her, check out Angelina by the Neurotic Outsiders because that pretty much hits the nail on the head).

The paramedics show up and take crazy cakes away, the cops roll up and stop in front of us, asking if we know know the dude. I probably shouldn't have said it, but I said "no, but I'm hoping to find a man like that for Valentine's Day" they weren't amused. LAPD....no sense of humor. Then lady_bogside shows up, sadly missing all the crack monkey fun.

From there, it was off to the Frederick's of Hollywood Valentine's Event with huge discounts, dj and makeovers in the VIP lounge. Oh...and Pop makeup boxes for $5 and since I'm still replenishing my makeup from the great eye debacle of 2009, score! Also, because I'm a fashion rebel, I wore Victoria's Secret to a FOH party.


Starvation settled in, so off to UWink, we went. I've been wanting to try the place for a while, so this was a great opportunity. You order everything from a touch screen and then a server simply brings it to you. Then, while you wait & while you eat, you play trivia games either solo, in a group or there are restaurant-sponsored games with prizes. I won a trivia game & we got passes to The Magic Castle which is damn near impossible to get into because you have to have a private invite to go there. Plus, the girl who gave me the prize said she works the door there and will totally hook us up so we don't have to pay the door charge. Holy shit! my luck really IS improving! While we're playing one of the trivia games, a question comes up "What is The Black Hole of Calcutta"?" I blurt out to the girls "my vagina" before the answer choices come up, laughter ensues. Don't worry, only those of us at the table heard me say that, but it was so spontaneous that it was damn hilarious.


Brooke orders a beer!


when you finish your meal and pay, they give you a virtual fortune cookie. mine reads: open your heart to new romance. (maybe I will now that my luck is improving)

The night ends with finding out that while we were at Hollywood/Highland, someone killed himself by jumping off a balcony outside the Kodak Theater (where the Oscars are held). Eek! Yep....only in Hollywood.