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yes, bed before midnight

Kicking it to bed before midnight tonight. I'm filming a game show in the morning. Last time i was on a game show was like 2002 when I was on Beat The Geeks. If I win any trips, I'll probably see if i can sell or give it away. What good is winning a damn trip if you have no one to go with? Then again, it seems like my luck has gotten slightly better since I apologized & confessed all my "sins" to J3 for all the nasty shit I did that led to our breakup (maybe I really was cursed or the guilt was just projecting into my life). Now if i can just get the other one to accept my apology for being a mouthy bitch full of anger & resentment. Time is supposed to heal all wounds, right? Well I can't really say that, time still hasn't allowed me to forgive the bitch who pretty much killed my nephew or that damn football player at Findlay for the number he did on me.

Anyway, I do feel like the weight of the world in the form of guilt has been lifted off me & I don't have this cloud hanging over & consuming me. I'm trying not to be so damn negative despite the fact that Valentine's Day is absolutely horrid for me. It reminds me of a promise ring whose promise was never fulfilled & also (as venus_starlet reminded me today), it reminds me of the 99-cent store Spencer Pratt (formerly known at the BBDB) & the stunt he pulled on Valentine's Day acting like he wanted to be boyfriend material when he was just really sucking up to me in order to get into my panties.

Universe...either let me win tomorrow & have it be something cool or at least let me lose to a really hot single guy. In that case, please let me be like Rob Mariano where I lose, but get the guy (in his case, girl)